New sign of my undergrowth!
Ignoring my intuition. Ignoring what the Divine is telling me in my dreams, in feelings, in thoughts that pop out of nowhere. I asked him about this woman because her first name came up in a dream a night or two before I heard about her. She was a coworker and he lied while explaining all his running partners were coworkers. I denied what I knew to be true because I was told "I'm jumping to conclusions"!
Instead I'm rationalizing his deceptive behavior and accepting the excuses given to me. Now to find out he's been lying all this time My intuition has been validated once again. I know I'm not the only woman this has happened to. I also feel empathy and sadness for the girlfriend (that I just found out has moved into his house recently). She didn't know anything as far as I can tell. Wait a minute..I sent a card to his work that he reports never receiving. Hmmm she was his coworker at the time.
This man definitely has Antisocial Personality d/o as well as sex addiction. This is the most severe combination according to a lecture I attending recently. I wonder.. did he moved her in to his home for his benefit? He doesn't want to lose the new home Daddy cosigned for him. I know this types of person. I worked with criminal offenders feigning mental defect in order to not stand trial. The diagnosis used for these individuals is Malingering. He's a textbook example of It is so obvious to me in hindsight. How did I not see this? My thoughts about how could I be fooled are running circles in my head.
Now I'm feeling this shame that was dumped on me for questioning the existence of inconsistencies. I feel very sad and angry about this because I am a smart woman. I am shaming myself enough with the message that I was stupid for not believing my gut. That all the signs were there. I will not hide with my tail between my legs. I must get past this and allow people in. I have run away too many times and I want my heart to continue to open to life and living.
The blue owner's manual says to treat him as a sick man. Part of me can do that. Part of me can't. Is it bad that I want him to pay for his intellectual, emotional abuse as well as the violation of physical boundaries. I think that's called rape. I have learned that I will probably never have unprotected sex no matter how 'respectable' the guy is. I'm beyond angry. It's going to take a lot of prayers to let go of this. So any of my fellow humans who read this, please send some prayers my way. Right now I don't care what the blue owner's manual says or Buddha. I will keep praying until I do.
I'm not well but I'm sober
Jane
Ignoring my intuition. Ignoring what the Divine is telling me in my dreams, in feelings, in thoughts that pop out of nowhere. I asked him about this woman because her first name came up in a dream a night or two before I heard about her. She was a coworker and he lied while explaining all his running partners were coworkers. I denied what I knew to be true because I was told "I'm jumping to conclusions"!
Instead I'm rationalizing his deceptive behavior and accepting the excuses given to me. Now to find out he's been lying all this time My intuition has been validated once again. I know I'm not the only woman this has happened to. I also feel empathy and sadness for the girlfriend (that I just found out has moved into his house recently). She didn't know anything as far as I can tell. Wait a minute..I sent a card to his work that he reports never receiving. Hmmm she was his coworker at the time.
This man definitely has Antisocial Personality d/o as well as sex addiction. This is the most severe combination according to a lecture I attending recently. I wonder.. did he moved her in to his home for his benefit? He doesn't want to lose the new home Daddy cosigned for him. I know this types of person. I worked with criminal offenders feigning mental defect in order to not stand trial. The diagnosis used for these individuals is Malingering. He's a textbook example of It is so obvious to me in hindsight. How did I not see this? My thoughts about how could I be fooled are running circles in my head.
Now I'm feeling this shame that was dumped on me for questioning the existence of inconsistencies. I feel very sad and angry about this because I am a smart woman. I am shaming myself enough with the message that I was stupid for not believing my gut. That all the signs were there. I will not hide with my tail between my legs. I must get past this and allow people in. I have run away too many times and I want my heart to continue to open to life and living.
The blue owner's manual says to treat him as a sick man. Part of me can do that. Part of me can't. Is it bad that I want him to pay for his intellectual, emotional abuse as well as the violation of physical boundaries. I think that's called rape. I have learned that I will probably never have unprotected sex no matter how 'respectable' the guy is. I'm beyond angry. It's going to take a lot of prayers to let go of this. So any of my fellow humans who read this, please send some prayers my way. Right now I don't care what the blue owner's manual says or Buddha. I will keep praying until I do.
I'm not well but I'm sober
Jane
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