I'm disappointed in myself. I wanted to commit to write this blog and post at the minimum, once a week. My ability to process has been blunted. My head has been fuzzy and my thinking cloudy. I've been so pissed off about being lied to and it was all I could think about. I scrutinized every little sentence that was said to me and have come to the conclusion everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. Some people just cannot be honest and authentic. The owner's manual states that I must be rigorously honest if I want to be free from the bondage of self. Well, I just want to be free from feeling anything except pity on someone who is so pathetic that they can't be authentic.
Yep, I'm still pissed. It will pass I'm told. I'm realizing how ugly he really is and truth be told, he wasn't a prize in the first place. Deep down I never thought he was. I'm grateful the roller coaster ride is over and I have no drama in my life again. I really like my life this way.
I still wonder why some people skate through life being manipulative lying scum of the earth and they get away with it? I can't live with myself when I am secretive or living a lie. I found out that I cannot be sane when another person is secretive and lying to me. I know when it's happening and when I ask and get told that it's all in my head, I FEEL CRAZY! I must listen to my spirit next time. If I do this, it will save me from wasting my time on losers like Eric!
oh yeah, he always wrote in lowercase. His i (I) was exactly that, i i'm, i've, i i i i i i. It was odd to me and I coined this as low self esteem. It sure was weird. He likes to think of himself as a writer. However, I've read his writing and it's on a website that doesn't exactly get an award for showcasing talent! :-)
Ahhh, getting better every day
Be well
Jane
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